Is Aging The Ultimate GLOW UP?

Serums, Spirituality & The Age of Aquarius

*** GIVEAWAY ALERT!!!! - Since I am behind on giveaways we are doing 3 this month!!! Thank you to my paid subs!!! Happy One year to The Art of Self!! Let’s celebrate — all the details at the bottom of this letter…scroll down - but also read first. <3 Donna

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My knees might be wrinkled but my aura has never looked better

That morning in my hotel in Shoreditch, I looked at my almost 43-year-old body in a full-length mirror under hotel bathroom lighting—not something I recommend doing often, especially on vacation.

Photographer June Calypso’s work at the Wellcome Collection

"We should just go to a pub," my husband yelled from the bedroom, trying to figure out how to wait out the rain until our afternoon plans.

Little did he know I was mid-existential spiral in the bathroom, wondering when exactly my knees started looking like that while scrolling my phone with wet hands *another thing I don’t recommend*, desperately trying to find something to do that wasn’t "too touristy."

Cut to: us caught in the rain, hopping on a public bus, and me looking like a wet dog in the lobby of the Wellcome Collection. Of course. The Universe has conspired once again to teach me something. I was there to see the "Cult of Beauty" exhibit—but somehow the mirror was turned to me so I could face some more of my own bullshit in real time.

The earliest mirrors used in ancient Egypt were made of polished metal, primarily copper and later bronze, dating back to around 3000 BC.

When did humanity’s obsession with youth and beauty even begin?

More importantly, why was I so obsessed with it?

I can’t pinpoint when the whispers started—when I first began to internalize that I should look a certain way, dress a certain way, and never, ever get a single wrinkle. I remember trying to put both my moms hands on her face and pull down on it like she was melting and her gently swatting my hands away—"Don’t touch my face like that, you’ll give me wrinkles." Maybe it started there.

Or maybe it was when my grandmother had a laser treatment to "burn off" her lip lines. I was around twelve. She hated how her lipstick bled into the tiny cracks around her mouth. Same thing is starting to happen to me btw.

"I never smoked. Why do I have this? Josie doesn’t."

Josie was her sister, who did smoke, didn’t have lip lines, and died of cancer years later. Lena still regretted the laser but never wished to be Josie again. No one told her it would leave her with what looked like a permanent white lip liner around her mouth. "I should’ve just left it alone," she’d say, peering past her Clinique compact and mirror dabbing foundation with the puff over the white outline after every meal. God, she would have loved lip filler. Cosmetic tattooing would have blown her mind. It would have also fixed that haunting white line.

So... was it them?

Was it the media?

Me? Just plain insecurity? Being a girl?

I grew up in the era of airbrushing, photoshop, US weekly, Fen Phen, Kate Moss, Baywatch, and Calvin Klein ads. Pop Stars and young girls being told they were fat right there on the red carpet. Body & Beauty standards were unhinged, they haven’t gotten better in my opinion. What was once for the celebs, hollywood, and rich people is now available on Groupon.

There’s no excuse for those crows feet baby girl.

I remember being in 7th grade when my friend Rob held a sheet of paper across my stomach and said I was the "widest, thinnest person" he’d ever seen. A real confidence booster while the hormones are hitting hard. Now here I was at this exhibit standing next to a life-sized Barbie replica and thinking “…there’s no way Barbie would have 24 ribs if she was a real person.”

June Calypso’s work at the Wellcome Collection : Juno Calypso (born 1989) is a British photographer. Her self-portraits are personal works about feminism, isolation, loneliness and being self-sufficient. Working alone, Calypso has made highly stylised photographs of herself whilst dressed as a fictional alter-ego, "Joyce", in unusual surroundings. Her handling of subject matter, confronting the thorny ontological questions thrown up by what it means to be feminine , or rather to perform femininity, in our absurd contemporary.

I have to be honest—I wasn’t expecting to get hit with this level of introspection before noon. Or on a vacation.

Maybe that pub would've been the better call.

But the exhibit surprised me. "The Cult of Beauty" celebrated diversity and spirituality while highlighting our obsession with youth and preservation. It reminded me that beauty standards have never been fixed. They morph with cultures, pop culture, capitalism, and time. That other people set the standard of what they consider beautiful. And some of us follow along. And what someone so eloquently posted this week via Instagram “Why are we adhering to beauty standards created by men who would marry and are attracted to young girls?”

The ideals I’ve internalized weren’t born in me - they were sold to me. Seeing how far this all went back (there were artifacts from ancient Egypt) - made me ask myself as I snapped a selfie next to a photo by one of my favorite photographers

“When was the last time you felt truly beautiful?”

And if people couldn’t profit or control off of all of this, would anyone care at all?

As I walked through the exhibit, I started having a full-on inner dialogue about my own beauty beliefs. When did I become obsessed with skincare? Why have I been trying to "fight aging" since before it even began? Did my mom use Clinique because her mom did? And we know my grandnother used it because her daughter in law from Germany would buy it for her and it made her feel very special. And what would they think of me now using the same eye cream as my mother-in-law? I broke the ancestral pattern and the brand loyalty. Whew.

Through this exhibit, the message is for me anyway: beauty is… the human experience.

And yet, even knowing this, I still find myself reaching for the serums and creams. For me, skincare has never been just about vanity. At one point, it became a survival escape. It’s not lost on me that the internet became obsessed with skincare during lockdown. One, we finally had time to pamper ourselves, 2: it’s a nice little dopamine hit, 3: I’m sure there’s something there about having some control (even if it is a false sense of control).

For me it’s spiritual. Its structure. It’s the one place I felt like I had a bit of control when everything else felt like pure chaos, when I was going to the hospital to work and everyone else I knew was ordering margaritas on Uber eats.

Beauty and self-care, for me, isn’t just aesthetic. It’s deeply emotional. It’s layered. It’s a part of my identity. And I have come to terms with the more I chase the superficial version of it, the more I feel disconnected from the sacred parts of myself.

Very excited to see one of my inspirations (June Calypso’s) Work In Real Life

*flashback* Back to that selfie I snapped with one of my fav photographers gallery photos and asking myself, When was the last time you felt truly beautiful?

The answer came in hot and quick: When I feel free.

Not when my makeup was flawless or my blowout was fresh—but when I felt joy. Presence. Unfiltered. Safe. Held. Myself.

Existing without expectation.

When I take the time out to make myself a good meal. Or give myself a full shower and massage. It’s in the sharing of the things I’ve learned and tips & tricks for a good cat eye, or a dupe for the expensive neck cream. When I learn a new makeup tutorial on Youtube and actually try it, instead of just letting it decay away in another open tab.

a omage collage to the vanity’s and dressers of the women who raised me

These days, I find beauty in wellness. In laughter. In tending to me.

Being surrounded by people who make me feel good. In the kind of joy that ironically creates those laugh lines on your face. Maybe it’s age. Or therapy. Or both. Or being reminded how fragile life is and what a privilege it is to get those lines on your forehead in the first place. But I’m learning there’s more power in letting go. In riding the wave instead of always swiping right for the Paris filter after capturing a moment of pure joy.

Work by photograpger Raphael Albert originally from Grenada, immigrated to London in 1953 he learned photography at Ealing Technical College while working part-time at a cake factory. He freelanced for black British newspapers such as West Indian World, where his assignments included beauty contests. A few years later, he started building his own enterprise dedicated to pageants and model promotion, which he documented via photography. In 1970 he established the Miss Black & Beautiful contest, followed by Miss West Indies in Great Britain, Miss Teenager of the West Indies in Great Britain, and Miss Grenada. He also founded a production company, Albert Promotions; his own magazine, Charisma, in 1984; and the associated Albert’s Girl Academy of Modelling. Many of his photographs depict the queens of the pageants in front of an audience.

The older I get, the more I realize beauty is less about the mirror and more about the moment. Don’t get it twisted a bitch still wants to look and feel good.

But it’s not the nightclub fomo flex for your ex, it’s that bathroom selfie with your girls under that terrible lighting. It’s the laughter with friends and the dance off that made you sweat through your makeup and has that mascara caked under your eyes in the first place. It’s blowing out another birthday candle and embracing whatever lines, sags, or stretch marks that year brought with it. Then figuring out how you want to move with that new knowledge.

The Virgin and Child of Guadalupe, Black Madonna Mexican painting 1745. Black Madonna images, appear in the form of paintings & sculptures. The oldest examples, and the great majority of them, are found in European countries. They are often in the most venerated shrines dedicated to the Virgin Mary. the Black Virgin Mary is linked to ancient pre-Christian worshipping of Mother Earth and other female divinities.

Beauty is being here. Fully.

I won’t pretend I’ve transcended beauty tock. The Sephora Beauty Insider Sale still takes up more brain real estate than I’d like to admit. But I’m trying. I’m learning to see aging as a privilege. My little morning rituals as a quiet rebellion. Adding to and tending to myself.

We end up becoming our own works of art - this I truly believe.

I didn’t realize how much of my beauty practice had become a ritual until I saw all of this laid out—how deeply tied it is to survival, legacy, and longing.

The moments I’d play at my grandmother’s vanity, my cousin Pam showing off her newly frosted hair and fresh square French tips. My mother’s cosmetic jewelry strung across the bed and all over me, or sitting at the end of the table as my aunt heated up her Clairol Rollers, drank a cup of Foldgers, and applied her signature blue eyeshadow.

Skincare & makeup has never just been about products for me. It’s been respite at times. Discipline. An escape. A notice to my nervous system that it's safe now. That I can slow down. That my body can rest for the night—or prepare to face the day. Literally.

During some of my worst anxiety spirals, skincare was the only routine I could stick to. It gave me steps to follow when everything else felt like static noise. It tricked my brain into thinking: “You’ve done something. You’re okay. You’re here.” I wouldnt’ be doing gua-sha or 12 steps of serums, if I was in trouble…it was me whispering to my brain that we didn’t need to be in flight or fight right now.

But it was also about reclamation.

The women in my family didn’t have the luxury of pampering. They got dressed up for weddings, for their husbands, to land a man, to piss one another off, for the family parties - but not just because. My grandmother soaked her feet in a basin of Palmolive dish soap every night - not for softness or #selfcare, but because they ached after working two jobs all day. The idea of monthly facials or a toilet tank tray full of serums? It would’ve seemed frivolous. Or worse - selfish.

And still, I know she’s be proud of me. I can hear her voice, half-teasing: “You’re hot shit.” But deep down, she’d mean it. She’d tell me I deserved it ten times over. That I work hard. That I needed to treat myself. That I didn’t need to tell my husband she bought it for me. “Tell him you had those, they’re old.”

And maybe that’s what this is about—living the kind of soft, sacred life they never got to. Using beauty not as performance, but as a reclamation. A practice. A connection to them. A form of self-respect that echoes backward.

I’ve looked into my own reflection and whispered affirmations I didn’t quite believe yet - but really wanted to. I’ve patted eye cream with my index & middle finger on my crows feet ever so lightly and told myself: “You got this. You’re here. You’re trying.”

There’s something personal in that. Like the women before me are watching. Like they know I’m taking that little moment they couldn’t.

And yeah—maybe there’s a little control-freak energy in it, too. When the world feels like chaos, I double down on routine. I treat myself to a sheet mask. I try to preserve what I didn’t appreciate when I was younger, but now love so much.

So maybe beauty, for me is a mix of resistance, reverence, and reclamation.

Maybe my grandmother was right. Every line means something. Hers meant laughter & lessons. Stories. Survival. Joy.

Her face wasn’t flawed, it was an archive of a life well-lived.

I’m not trying to look the way I did. I’m trying to feel even better in the now.

So now, when I line up my skincare bottles like little soldiers on my sink, it’s not just about fighting time. It’s about honoring myself. It’s about choosing presence. Softness. Legacy.

And because beauty, for me, has always been a little bit spiritual and something I love to share... I’m sharing some of my favs with you.

GIVEAWAY!!!

To celebrate the one year anniversary of The Art of Self (and y’all being so patient with me figuring this all out) - I’m doing a giveaway of some beauty products, and skincare items I’ve bought/tried on my travels. Plus additional samples I have told people at events I needed for my newsltter followers (gotta bring you along on this wild ride too!).

No brand sponsorships. No affiliate codes. Just handpicked, from me to you.

How to Enter:

Paid subs will be automatically entered (if you’re not paid do that now!!!).

I’ll pick 3 winners at random next week - watch the videos to see what I’ve rounded up for you <3 Now that I have gotten a bit more organized and some more subs (thank you!!!) we can start hosting monthly giveaways, the goal is to get them going weekly 🤞

Watch the clips to see what’s included in each giveaway

Giveaway #1: The JetSetter - Benefit Cosmetics Makeup bag, Jasna Pearl Essence Mask, Benefit The POREfessional Good Cleanup, Initio Perfume Hedonist Initiation Pack (value $48), Benefit Gimme Brow Travel Size, Benefit Fan Fest Travel size Mascara, Goody hair Ties, 111 Skin Black Diamond Celestial Retinol Oil Sample, Aesop Travel Resurrection Rinse Free Hand Wash, Molten Brown Travel Shower Gel, Philip B Forever Shine Shampoo Travel Size, Peter Thomas Roth Hyluronic Cloud Body Cream Travel Size, Red Jasper Crystals, Philip Kingsley Restoring Conditioner Travel Size, Parfums de Marly Paris - Travel Shower Gel. Clean De Peau Creme Sample, Shiseido Vital Perfection Uplifting and Firming Advanced Cream (value $30)

Giveaway #2 :GRWM : Benefit Brow Wax, BIBBI Perfume 10ml (value $40), Surrat Blush (value $40), MZ Skin Soothe & Smooth Eye Cream (value $150), Aromatherapy Revive Morning, Faces of Frances Vilhelm Perfume, Goody Hair ties, Lovren Mascara (value $12), Paulas Choice Mandelic Acid, Laura Mercier Caviar Stick Eye Color (value $33), Kjaer Weis Blush Sample, Lise Eldridge Liquid Lurex Eye Shadow (value $28), Guerlain Abelle Royale Sample, Dr. Barbara Sturm Samples: Hyluronic Serum X2, Glow Drops & Tote Bag, Bio Collagen Beauty Lift Ampule (value $8), Marvis Tooth Paste (Value $10), Jason Pearl Essence Mask, One Skin Sample Duo, Oi All I One Milk (Value $22), Skin Rocks The Moisturiser (value $91), Skin Spirit Jade Roller (value $35)

Giveaway #3 - The Ritual Only available in Italy Hamane Moroccan Supreme Hammam Ritual Bundle (value €110,00 EUR) - created by one of my followers and Vision Board Workshop attendees Hanane <3