Newsflash⚡️The Helicopter Is Not Coming
You’re The One You’ve Been Waiting For
Ok full disclosure sometimes I am SO late to the party. What’s worse? - many times I’m the one who threw the party 😅. And that’s what happened recently. I had a major “aha” moment that hit harder than those $5 happy hour margs.
Picture me: in the middle seat, on the F train, next to the dude eating halal out of a styrofoam tray (is styrofoam back now too?) while avoiding eye contact from the kid across from me casually picking his boogers. Yup…there I am stuck between these two, with no cell service, just me and my intrusive thoughts. And that’s the thing about intrusive thoughts they don’t really schedule ahead of time.
I got a moment of clarity - out of nowhere.
My fairy godmother ain’t coming. No one’s going to swoop in, show me a green light, or hand me a wad of cash & some glass slippers. No one is gonna give me permission to go live my best life.
BOOM- That’s how my “aha moment” came in… hot. I’ve spent so much of my life - waiting for permission. Waiting for things to “fall into place”. Permission from the universe. Permission from others. Permission from myself.
**cue a dramatic coming to Jesus montage**
OH..I’ve been THAT GIRL. The one people rely on. The dependable one. The one who does things the right way. Who takes the high road, even when she wants to burn it all down. The helper. The one who’s ready to show up. To do the right thing, even at the expense of her own happiness - or sanity. I literally made a career out of saving (no, not money…I wish - people’s lives). I’ve been sitting here, waiting for them to return the favor. I’ve been waiting for my turn.
Who the fuck am I even waiting for?
Why have I been waiting for someone else to come give me permission to go after what I want? Why have I been waiting for things to “fall into place,” when the world is literally on fire? Waiting for validation, the right time, more money, my husband to “make it”…you get it…right?
But here’s the kicker. Even if someone did return the favor, it wouldn’t look like what I expected. Or even what I did for them in the first place. It wouldn’t come in the perfect way I imagined. It wouldn’t come in exactly as it went out. You can’t control how people show up for you, and you shouldn’t even expect it. That’s not the vibe babe.
So why have I been waiting for other people to give me permission to start living my life? Why have I been so distracted, solving everyone else’s problems, building their businesses, and making cakes that nobody asked for? (Seriously, why am I making so many damn cakes?)
And let’s be real—if you’re always putting others’ dreams before your own, you’re hiding. You’re avoiding yourself. You’re not giving yourself the same energy you give everyone else. It’s self sabotage…ahhh..I know. You’re waiting for someone to swoop in and validate you, but guess what? The green light is never going to come from outside of the building.
I realized it’s all a beautifully constructed form of self sabotage.
There is a fine line between you hiding out in that very safe space of always showing up for others, instead of taking a chance on yourself. You always look great if you’re the supportive wife, the sidekick, or the “go to” employee. 👀
This is where the self-sabotage comes in. We’ve all done it—put off what we really want, telling ourselves, “It’s not the right time,” “I’ll do it tomorrow,” “He needs me” or “I need more money first.” Spoiler alert: XYZ is never coming. It’s just not. The end is coming in faster than the right time. Sorry but it’s true.
I resigned from my job a few weeks ago thinking, “Okay, now I’ll finally do all the things I’ve always wanted to do” Very ambitious of me to think I’d move a mountain in three weeks. I am a first born daughter and all. But, plot twist: I didn’t. Instead, I spent my time making cakes (again, why?), planning dinners, talking on the phone, and distracting myself with things that didn’t move me forward. The truth is, I’ve been sitting in the stands of my own life, hoping someone would call down from the field and put me in the game.
And I know I’m not the only one.
When was the last time you checked in, instead of checking out?
For me, it was that F train moment. It was my mirror. It was the realization that I’ve been waiting for someone—anyone—to show up for me the way I’ve shown up for everyone else. But honestly, no one else is going to make your dreams happen for you, not unless you’re six. And even then we all got a story about how someone let us down in third grade.
Your happiness…that’s your job now. Great, more shit to do.
Stop putting your worth in someone else’s hands. Stop letting someone control your narrative.
No more “Once I have this,” or “Once I have that.” “Or what are they gonna think?”
Do it now. Think about when you were a little kid - if you wanted to build a fort, you just did it. You didn’t wait for permission - you grabbed what you could and got to work. You just made a fort. There’s no way you thought “Hey maybe I shouldn’t make this fort and I should go help my brother with his homework, or help my sister clean her room.” I didn’t even want to clean my own room let alone someone else’s. So stop doing it now. Stop waiting for someone else to build your fort..I mean life. Start imperfectly, start messy, start like you did in the living room as a kid, but just start for fuck’s sake.
The Chopper’s Not Coming, But That’s Okay…cause you’re not stranded in the jungle. You’re sitting there not writing that email, procrastinating looking for that job, or not telling that person to mind their business and kiss your ass.
Life isn’t going to give you anything if you can’t even show up for yourself.
Because the only rescue mission you need, is your own.
Recently I had a conversation with someone who has mastered this mindset - Nore Davis. He’s a comedian, a writer, director, an Aries and an actor. Nore is layered and our conversation in the next Art of Self interview hits hard. His words have really stuck with me - “Donna, The chopper’s not coming. And that’s ok.”
Nore’s perspective on life, self-worth, and stopping the endless waiting game - resonated so much with me. With this taking control and realizing you have so much power in your own two hands. Cause tough love ain’t sugar coated, baby. And if you’re tired of waiting for permission, know that I am too.
Nore’s interview drops next week. Until then…start somewhere. Cause no one in history has ever regretted taking a chance on themselves.
Love you All - Thanks for supporting me and this and all the things.
♥️ Donna
Exactly the motivation and inspiration I needed this monday morning! Thank you for sharing your journey. I can relate as a first born daughter, good girl, people pleasing procrastinator of my own dreams... here's to shucking those labels and finally doing what we WANT! Looking forward to the interview... PS I'm also an Aries :)
Beautifully reflection of where you're at. Thank you for sharing! Rooting for you and understand completely what you're on about. ✨