You're Not Crazy - They're Draining You
you don't need a nap, you need to cut 'em off
Unfortunately a lot of us have this sign above our heads that we don’t see where people think we are their resident givers, fixers, or place where they can dump truck all their problems. If you have ever heard “OMG I feel so great after talking to you…” Meanwhile you look like you could use a cigarette, a nap, and a retinol eye cream after the encounter. Then you get it.
Because Sometimes Being A Good Person, Makes You Feel Like Shit
But it doesn’t stop there. There are also the deliberate manipulators. You know the ones. The narcissists. The people who thrive on your energy, gaslighting you into thinking you’re the problem, while they take and take without ever giving anything back [relationships should be a two way street…but these people must have missed that day in school]. You’ve been the one who’s given, supported, celebrated them, only to find yourself ignored or dismissed when you needed the same. Or better yet be told how ungrateful you are. It’s a mindfuck when you realize you’ve been so caught up in trying to be a decent human, that you didn’t even see the energy drain happening to you.
And through all this I learned- it’s our job to protect our energy. Cause these mother fuckers will just keep on taking. And if you don’t protect yourself, you’ll end up giving away so much of you to everyone else - you’re stuck on empty.
And I know you know the feeling: the “Why Did I Say Yes To This…”
that mood zap, semi-exhaustive state you can’t quite shake after being around certain people [or that certain someone]. You head into that party, that morning meeting, that pilates class, or even Thanksgiving Dinner actually not hating your life… and then BAM, by the time you leave you’re questioning your entire existence and wishing you stayed home.
You know the people I’m talking about - we all got at least one. The ones who have been having the same relationship problems in every relationship they’ve ever been in. The co-worker who has hated their job since they trained you on your first day, but also boasts about being there as long as the bricks in the building. Or the self-sabotager. Or the one who can’t stop texting his ex. or the Debbie Downer. You know exactly who I’m talking about. A family member, your spouse, or maybe even that old version of yourself.
No matter how much you evolve, try to stay home, or take the “high vibes honey” approach - you’re still gonna have an energy vampire show up somewhere, sometime, and usually that sometime is when you’re crushing life.
Cause that’s the thing about these little energy suckers - they love poppin’ someone’s party balloon.
And There’s always gonna be one….
The one who brings all the drama, who thrives on negativity, who constantly unloads their problems on you without the slightest hint of introspection. They’ve been stuck in the same rut for years, complaining about the same things they’ve done nothing to fix. Watching their life is like watching a bad re-run. Yet, they look to you for the answers. Or perhaps for the whole solution. They never heard of Chat GPT. Or therapy. They will text you asking for the address instead. My new rule is: if you can stalk a man online and find out everything about his life then you can google all the things about the place we are going to for happy hour.
That’s your classic “unaware energy vampire.”
The “unaware” are simply that, often unaware of their draining presence, they exhibit a chronic lack of introspection and self-awareness. Their constant complaints, ability to bring down the vibes, and negative energy create a vortex of despair, sucking in those around them unwittingly.
On the other hand our “deliberate manipulator” (which can also show up as the narcissist), knows very well who they are, and has awareness of how they prey on the vulnerabilities of others to fuel their own insatiable ego. These individuals thrive on drama, depleting you of confidence, while giving you a combo of “guilting and gaslighting” to maintain their hold. From incessant love bombing to calculated ghosting, they thrive on making you feel terrible about you.
Need more characteristics??
the perpetual victim mentality, an insatiable need for attention, they don’t just bring the drama, they are the drama - all while draining those around them of their vitality. They manage to swerve accountability, deflect blame onto others, and often resort to gaslighting tactics to maintain their hold over us. For some at the core of their allure lies an intoxicating blend of charm and charisma, weaving a spell that captivates all who cross their path. While leaving you with a “WTF was Wrong With Me?” mental hangover. They have you questioning your own reality.
Identifying these “vampires” is the first step towards reclaiming our energy and restoring balance - it’s also how you avoid them in the first place. You also need to pay attention to how you feel when you’re around certain people (or leave their presence). The physical symptoms like headaches, resentment, mood swings, and anxiety, or the subtle chipping away of your self-confidence and inner peace.
And I get it. Sometimes people are just going through tough times, and that’s totally valid. Sometimes they need an assist, or someone to just listen. But when someone’s energy is consistently dragging you down, leaving you exhausted or anxious, you have to ask yourself: How do I stop this? Also why do I keep letting this happen?
How to Spot an Energy Vampire In The Wild
So, how do you spot an energy vampire in the wild or the office? Look out for the telltale signs: they never think anything is wrong with them, they take more than they give, and they thrive on attention and drama.Accountability? What’s that? They never heard the word. These individuals rarely engage in self-reflection or spiritual growth, preferring to rely on others for validation and self-worth. One common characteristic of energy vampires is their inability to maintain healthy boundaries in relationships. They may become overly dependent on others for emotional support, love bomb, or expect you to always bring the good time.
Here’s a handy checklist:
They’re never happy for you. You’ve got exciting news, a big win, and it’s crickets. Instead of celebrating your achievements, they’re too busy playing the victim or sulking about their own misfortunes and how nothing ever works out for them.
They drain your energy, but never give anything back. And the more you pour into them, the more they demand.
They love drama. If their life’s a constant rollercoaster of chaos, instability, and being the victim, guess what? They’re the reason. Drama follows them like a lil puppy, and they thrive on the tension they create. And if there’s no drama, they’ll go looking for it. These people love kicking a hornets nest, so they can cry about how they got stung.
They lack self-awareness. they don’t even know they’re doing it. most of the time it’s not really their fault, but it’s also their fault.
They’ll gaslight you. You call them out on their draining behavior, and they’ll turn it around to make you feel bad for your ability to spot red flags. They’ll twist it and make it your fault, or worse get other people to be mad at you for no reason.
They can also be jealous: Here’s a revelation..a lot of the people around you are jealous of you, they might not even know they are. But you gotta know they are. Doesn’t mean they're a bad person - but the truth is a lot of us are mirrors to other peoples bullshit. Especially if you’re someone trying to love your life regardless. People cannot stand to see a bitch dust herself off and get back up.
Protect Your Energy Like It’s a Diamond Ring or a Rolex Watch.
It’s you job to protect your own bandwidth, capacity, and value. It’s about realizing that your energy is precious, and if you’re constantly giving it away to people who aren’t showing up for themselves, you’ll burn out. You’re also gonna quickly become the villain when you let them down. And honestly you should ask yourself why you feel this need to keep rushing to save the day, when you still gotta water your own lawn? Why do you keep getting so caught up in everyone else’s nonsense?
So How Do You Protect Your Vibe?
1. Recognize the Signs: Pay attention to how you feel after being with someone. Do you leave a conversation feeling emotionally drained? Anxious? Irritable? If so it’s a sign. Listen to your body…always. If you don’t feel lighter or more energized or better yet grounded, after spending time with someone, then their energy is probably not aligned with yours.
2. Stand Up for Your Energy: When I realized how much of my energy I was giving away to people who weren’t taking any responsibility for their own lives or situations I had to step back. I also had to ask myself why I felt so called to do this, if it just kept leaving me feeling drained. I couldn’t just keep pouring into people who were not taking any responsibility for themselves. That meant saying “no” when I felt overwhelmed, walking away from toxic conversations or people, and protecting my space.
3. Reclaim Your Time: It’s easy to get sucked into other people’s drama. it’s also easier to tell people what to do with their life than roll your sleeves up and get to work on your own. Energy vampires love to make you their emotional dumping ground. Don’t get caught up in it. Politely excuse yourself from gossip or avoid emotionally draining situations. Your time and energy are yours, and if someone is constantly draining you, it’s okay to walk away until you can build up your tolerance and your ability to not get sucked in.
4. Protect Yourself Before Social Situations: If you know you’re going to be in an environment where energy vampires exist (hello, family gatherings), prepare yourself. Grounding exercises, self-affirmations, and setting clear mental boundaries before you walk in can make all the difference.
5. Be Gently Firm: If someone’s draining you, don’t be afraid to call it out. You don’t have to be rude or harsh. Simply saying something like, “I need to focus on my own work right now, I can’t take anything else on” or “Can I tell you what’s going on with me now?”.
6: High Vibes Babe: Respond to the negativity with positivity & reclaim your power. I know this sounds like kindergarten circle time but maybe give it a chance. Instead of allowing yourself to be dragged by the wave of complaining and gossip, choose to focus on the joy, the silver linings, or counteract the negativity. “Yes Michelle shows up late everyday with an iced latte…but she is also the only one here who knows how to fix the printer.” Even a broken clock is right twice a day beb.
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