This letter is for the tough ones. The ones who were told they “should be a lawyer when they grow up” or they “have a chip on their shoulder.” The ones who’ve been called intimidating, or intense. Or know survival mode better than rest.
Cause yeah, Same.
Years ago, I would’ve told you the soft life meant a spa day, a glass of wine, a candle, charging it all to my credit card, and a good face mask. Insert instant reset. But what I’ve learned - really learned - is that softness hits very differently when you’ve had to be tough for a long time.
When your softness had to be put on the back burner because life demanded survival mode. Because you were the strong one. The calm in chaos. You get over it quickly, cause you have no choice but to move on. You don’t take up space, cause you’re too busy holding it down for everyone else.
And honestly, if you did decide to go soft - would the people around you know how to deal? Would they know how to make space for it all? Probably Not.
Cause when you’ve lived like this, choosing softness is not easy. It’s radical. It’s uncomfortable. For them and for you. Sometimes it feels like a language you forgot how to speak. Or didn’t even learn to begin with.
The trends will tell you to make it your whole identity - but what if you just let it be your peace?
You’re allowed to savor the small things and still want the big ones. You can still keep your edge.
Softness is not fragile.
It’s not lack of ambition.
It’s you making a conscious decision to not brace for impact in everything you do. Or every morning you wake up.
Resilience doesn’t have to be your full-time job anymore beb. You can put down the sword.
Speaking of swords…
Years ago, I met with a Chinese Astrologer and as she looked over my chart while simultaneously scanning me up and down - she stopped. She shuffled the papers in her hand and laid them down neatly next to her. Then reached for my hand and held it (my other arm was broke and in a sling). She stared me directly in the eyes as I sat across from her.
“Do you know the swords the knights carry? Like the Knights of Templar?”
Loving Medieval Times, Merlin, Dragons, and all the things I shook my head up and down - and thought “Do I know?? Duhhh”.
“Those swords are clunky. They’re big and heavy. Sure, they get the job done and knock you off your horse….”
I nodded.
She leaned in. Like she was telling me a secret about myself.
“What if I told you that you’re not that type of sword? You’re a Japanese sword. The fighting swords.”
Wow she was really speaking my language.
“You see those swords are beautiful, ornate, and people underestimate them. They look thin, flimsy - but they can cut through silk without any effort. They go through the fire, over and over in order to become that strong but also that graceful.”
You don’t lose your edge by softening.
You become like the katana - the Japanese sword forged by fire, hammered into shape, and then refined, folded, and tempered until it’s both razor-sharp and impossibly flexible.
It’s not either/or.
It’s not softness or strength.
It’s both.
You’re both.
You’re that sword.
How to Integrate All of This…
For many of us, rest feels like guilt. Gentleness feels unsafe. And the idea of ease? Almost laughable.
That’s why I created The Vault.
It’s not just content—it’s a recalibration. A place to unlearn the survival strategies that got you here and start building from something softer, deeper, and more honest.
Workshops, rituals, and reminders that you don’t have to earn your softness.
You just have to stop fighting it. On your timeline. At your pace.
The Vault is 7 years of my personal deconditioning - from the books I’ve read, workshops / lectures I attended, and the pages of my own journals. It’s everything that worked for me, synthesized for you.
✨ Join The Vault and become a founding member of The Art of Self— if you want to know all he details that you get access to - you can read about that here or even more in depth over here
PS: I have a nice giveaway for paid subs in the next letter - I know we are long overdue for one. Thanks for supporting me and my work, while I continue to figure myself out <3
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